Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
