You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize