Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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