I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
