I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
