your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
