so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That accounts for only three of the penises
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
