you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
