Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
