member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
