he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Text me some of your sweat
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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