I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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