He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
