So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize