So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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