haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
