i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize