Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she smelled like a LAN party
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
