Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
