How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
