But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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