I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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