he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
