i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
