Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
