is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
