Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
