just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
don't judge my taste in strippers
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
