Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
