i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
