I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
