We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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