I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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