she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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