Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
