Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
COCAINE IS GR8
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