I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
