Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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