I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize