I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just cropdusted the office
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
