Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
