My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize