.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
