Cold hands, warm shart.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
