Pappa wants mamma naked
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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