i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
