I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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