Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
