I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
