I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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