I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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