Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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