he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
