In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
