Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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