He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
