I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
