TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
