oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
