new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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