In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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