I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have fence marks all over my body
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
