So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
