I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
