He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
