I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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